Naked?

While talking to an obviously drunk female about an intoxicated male, with left sided weakness.  (Stroke like symptoms.)

Me: I want to do a little test over the phone before the Paramedics arrive.  Please ask him to Smile.
C: Its kinda dark out here, and he doesn't have any teeth.
Me: Ok, Ask him to raise his arms above his head.
C: Oh, no, no, no.  He can't he is laying in his pee, and he can't get up.
Me:  Just ask him to raise his arms, so we can see how he is doing?
C:  Ok, (talks to the pt and asks him to raise his hands) He can't he is laying in pee.
Me:  Ma'am, Ask the pt to say "The early bird catches the worm"
C: He is just saying "Don't do this to me, I'm naked."
Me: Ma'am, What are you doing to him?

Worser and worser....

Complaint: Headache.
Me:  Was there a sudden onset of severe pain?
C:  Its been getting worser and worser every day.
Me: So it was not a Sudden pain?
C: No. It just started tonight.
Me:  {in through the nose, out through the mouth.}

Spanish, yeah.

Complaint: Chest Pain

Me: Is he changing color?
C: Well, he is Mexican and I'm color blind.
Me: Regardless of him being Mexican or you being color blind, is he changing color?
C: No.
Me: Is he clammy?
C: Spanish - Yeah.
Me: SIR. Is he Cold and Sweaty at the same time.
C: No.
Me: Did he take and Drugs or Medications in the last 12 hours?
C:  Medicine, yeah. It was beer.
{Later on}
Me:  Do you have any aspirin or Bufferin Available?
C: Yeah, but its called Ibuprofen.

Long Addresses

When your address is a little something like 20000 NW 110st ST (not an actual address, actual address has been changed for privacy reasons

I'm going to assume you don't like people, and therefore have moved away from a good majority of them. Heed the flip side of your "real estate dilemma" is that it will take an ambulance a quick minute to get to you.  Its about the time it takes you to drive from the city, to home, give or take a few minutes.  Sirens mean get out of the way, not warp speed.

Excuse me?

While talking to a lady with some anxiety, chest pain and high blood pressure, I've gotten through all of the questions that I need, then I'm giving her instruction before I let her go....

Me:  Ma'am, the Paramedics are on their way, Pl- (She inturupts me)
C:  Oh, I have to go, I have to pee, Oh, I guess I'll just pee on a towel.
Me: ...... Excuse me? Ma'am, you have time to go to the bathroom. Please use the bathroom.

I'm just awake....

Me: What is the address of your emergency?
C: I called the Stallion non-emergency line.
Me:  Stallion doesn't have their own ambulance service, but we cover that area. What can I do for you?
C:  I'm just awake.
Me:  Uhm... Ok?
C: Well, I was looking through the phone book, and I haven't ever heard of this bank.  Do you know where it is?
Me: Sir, What can I help you with?
C:  I just want to know where this is, 1927 Cornerstone bank. I aint never heard of that.
Me:............. {Trying to grasp the words.}
C: I just gonna hang up. {Click, hang up.}

And $h*T

Me: What is the phone number that you are calling from?
C: He can't breathe and $h*T.
Me: Is that him yelling in the background?
C: Yeah, he can't breathe and $h*T
Me: If he is yelling he can breathe just fine -- What is the phone number that you are calling from?